Avoiding the Vicious Circle. ,

All types of people show up on Tuesday nights. For a while I had a regular crew waiting for me by the spot where I normally park, and they pretty much unloaded the car for me and carry everything over to the picnic tables. Lately, most of those folks have not been showing up, and it's been largely a group of new faces who pretty much just stand there in line and wait for us (well, me mainly) to set up. As I examined my attitude about this I had to come to grips with the idea that maybe I do still have some attitudes and expectations I still need to examine.

Most of the folks that show up are polite and express gratitude, and that's nice to experience. But we also get some folks whose behavior can affect my attitude and my expectations. One such person is "M", who has recently returned after about 18 months or so. Without fail, when this person receives a plate of food, they will ask for more of something, and usually beyond their share, and hold up the line in the process. A while back we made the decision to try and serve healthier food and that included replacing beverages with water. "M" prevailed on a kind hearted person in our group to buy carbonated beverages, and the next week when that person had done so, "M" response was: "what? no juice?".

This week, it started out much the same; "M" asked for more tomato/fruit in their salad. And when we got around to dessert, which was watermelon. "M" got more than their share. But since I didn't have to ration it, I just gave "M" bigger slices each time they came back.

As we were cleaning up and packing stuff up to take back to the car, "M" asked if they could help carry stuff to my car. I hate to say it, but I had something in my own heart revealed in that I had more or less categorized "M" a certain way and that led to my having lower expectations in a way that affected my attitude.

But it's not just "M"; I do this a lot more often than I should. And this holds me back - and people often live up to the expectations we project onto them especially if they show up up in our actions and attitude. And thus starts a vicious circle. Facing up to this needs to be done, but I'm not looking forward to it.