When asked, I will continue to insist that the choices I made during the recuperation process were driven by the desire to preserve the group and the efforts to assist the homeless. Yet I must concede that my choices were and are driven by what is described by some folks in the counseling world would categorize as avoidant attachment disorder. I used to display a lot more of the characteristics that are associated with that attachment style than I do now, though I'd still identify myself as being dismissive-avoidant, although I think I don't have that much difficulties articulating my feelings. But I clearly do project independence and self-sufficiency, and I have learned not to expect support to minimize my opportunities for being disappointed.
I'm not going to figure everything out in the next 30 seconds, nor is it necessarily appropriate to get into a lot of my emotional history, but one thing that seems to be clear to me at the moment is that while I don't necessarily regret the choices I made, those choices came with a cost, and I've never acknowledged or mourned the cost and self imposed isolation I went through during the summer of 2013. Right now, it sucks.
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