So unto you this day in the city of ann arbaugh, er, ann arbor, glad tidings of a savior wearing khaki dockers and a torn 49ers' jersey, he shall be called recruiter of 5 star talent, kicker of buckeye and spartan hiney,
anyone who knows anything about me understands that i'm referring to the hiring of jim harbaugh to the position of head football coach at the university of michigan which happens to be my alma mater. the football program enjoys a strong football tradition but has slipped in recent years. so a lot of the fan base does in fact see harbaugh as a savior of sorts,
when his name first surfaced as a candidate for the position., i was not enthusiastic about the choice for reasons that i now suspect are largely unfounded after watching the news conference announcing the hiring. overall, while there was a lot to be impressed with concerning his manner and speech, while artfully dodging a number of provocative questions, harbaugh made one observation that sticks with me. the issue in question involved harbaugh comparing the academic standards of stanford and michigan. harbaugh responded by acknowledging that he made a mistake there and he'd learned from it, comparing two things leads to diminishing one of them. there's a lot of wisdom in that.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Christmas
up until a couple of days ago, i was having a severe case of holiday blahs. money has been tight and last week my car required transmission repairs i really can't afford. what made it worse was that i was still having problems with the stickshift and not knowing how much it was going to cost was prompting a lot of anxiety. in other words, i couldn't see past my own problems.
i took the car back to my mechanic monday morning and got the car back shortly after lunch; my mechanic handed me my key and said i could go. told me i needed to replace the shifter bushing eventually, that i should go find one cheap, bring the car back in and he'd care of it. didn't charge me. that was nice. then on the way home, i stopped by the supermarket and the butcher (who knows that i cook for the homeless once a week) saw me and told me he had a lot of stuff marked down. i told him i was hoping to find a ham i could make the next day. he had one marked down 30%. he said that he'd re-wrap it and mark it down 50% which he did. so i managed to get a 10 lb ham for about $.99 cents a lb. for some reason, that seemed to have flicked a switch for me.
celebrated last night at the park with about 35 folks who shared my ham, glazed carrots with star anise, rice salad with dried apricots, cranberries, toasted slivered almonds, red onion (i forgot the cilantro) with a dijon-tarragon dressing. kale/apple slaw with a honey mustard poppy seed dressing. coffee (no cream or sugar, but they were happy adding hot cocoa mix) & cookies. i'm not cooking like that twice in one week; that was my christmas dinner. am probably going to go out for chinese food tomorrow.
there's a regular named mike. he comes off as kinda slow and naive most of the time, he always barks whenever he sees a dog and can be something of a huisance much of the time, but every once in a while he (IMO slips and) says something extremely perceptive and profound and/or uses vocabulary that leaves me wondering just how much of that is an act. he used to complain how he hated vegetables until i pointed out that the chili i serve is vegetarian, at which point he began asking for 3rd-4ths-5th on the salad and pretty much polishes off any salad that's left. anyway,/ he was the only person to give us a christmas card last night. a few other people signed it, but mike brought it and he clearly signed it first.
i think i'm finally starting to live life a lot more like i should have been doing all this time. i'm grateful to know that i matter, and while i don't seek a lot of attention about what i do on tuesday nights, it's nice to know that the people who are aware support what i do and help in any way when they can. so even though most of my immediate family will be celebrating christmas thousands of miles away tomorrow, i feel connected in a way that brings lot of comfort. i suspect that anyone who makes the effort to do things for people who can't be expected to repay you in any way understand this.
i took the car back to my mechanic monday morning and got the car back shortly after lunch; my mechanic handed me my key and said i could go. told me i needed to replace the shifter bushing eventually, that i should go find one cheap, bring the car back in and he'd care of it. didn't charge me. that was nice. then on the way home, i stopped by the supermarket and the butcher (who knows that i cook for the homeless once a week) saw me and told me he had a lot of stuff marked down. i told him i was hoping to find a ham i could make the next day. he had one marked down 30%. he said that he'd re-wrap it and mark it down 50% which he did. so i managed to get a 10 lb ham for about $.99 cents a lb. for some reason, that seemed to have flicked a switch for me.
celebrated last night at the park with about 35 folks who shared my ham, glazed carrots with star anise, rice salad with dried apricots, cranberries, toasted slivered almonds, red onion (i forgot the cilantro) with a dijon-tarragon dressing. kale/apple slaw with a honey mustard poppy seed dressing. coffee (no cream or sugar, but they were happy adding hot cocoa mix) & cookies. i'm not cooking like that twice in one week; that was my christmas dinner. am probably going to go out for chinese food tomorrow.
there's a regular named mike. he comes off as kinda slow and naive most of the time, he always barks whenever he sees a dog and can be something of a huisance much of the time, but every once in a while he (IMO slips and) says something extremely perceptive and profound and/or uses vocabulary that leaves me wondering just how much of that is an act. he used to complain how he hated vegetables until i pointed out that the chili i serve is vegetarian, at which point he began asking for 3rd-4ths-5th on the salad and pretty much polishes off any salad that's left. anyway,/ he was the only person to give us a christmas card last night. a few other people signed it, but mike brought it and he clearly signed it first.
i think i'm finally starting to live life a lot more like i should have been doing all this time. i'm grateful to know that i matter, and while i don't seek a lot of attention about what i do on tuesday nights, it's nice to know that the people who are aware support what i do and help in any way when they can. so even though most of my immediate family will be celebrating christmas thousands of miles away tomorrow, i feel connected in a way that brings lot of comfort. i suspect that anyone who makes the effort to do things for people who can't be expected to repay you in any way understand this.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
the passing of the TORCH
it's my birthday. but this entry is going to be about someone from my music/dance circle who recently passed away, someone named mark tortorici, nicknamed, 'Torch', for the most part i've been in denial about his being gone, but today, i think it's time.
mark was known to many in the music and swing dance worlds. he had his own band as well as developed a following for booking bands for a bar/dance venue in burbank called joe's great american bar & grill. when mark started booking blues acts for sunday nights, i approached him about DJ-ing blues before. in between and after the live sets. he gave me a shot, and more significantly, he gave me the room to play more music by contemporary musicians and even cross over into jazz/blues even though he would have preferred more choices by some of the established old guard in the blues genre. ultimately, mark respected my musicianship and let me find my own voice and DJ for the music lovers in the house and not the dancers - and each week i DJ i typically get responses from members of that week's band complimenting my selections and in some cases, wanting to know who that was performing a particular selection. and i've expanded from blues to building a soul playlist, as well as a late night jazz playlist that has grown a few fans who now come in late just to hear that. it's something i love doing and i wouldn't be doing it if mark hadn't given me the chance to do so.
the bottom line was that mark was one of the few people who made me feel like he got me, liked what he saw, and as a consequence, he got to see aspects of me i generally take pains not to reveal when i'm in a group of people. he'd told me more than a few times that he wished that everyone else knew me the way he did. so i grieve the loss of someone who knew who to make me feel like he clearly knew me and understood me better than most.
(what you don't get to see is that i as reflect back on this, i now see more clearly that he did in fact understand me pretty well in how he interacted with me differently than with others based on what i've gotten to hear from others who knew mark, and the tears are *really* starting to come)
the thing is, mark was pretty much that way with everyone (unless he felt you'd betrayed him in some way - that was pretty much the only unforgivable sin for mark) which is why it was standing room only at his memorial held this past weekend. and people who knew him and missed him got together to share their grief. during one such gathering of which i happened to be a part last week, someone said something to the effect that one way of ensuring that mark remained a part of us was to be a bit more like mark in how we treated one another and built community.
and this is what i choose it to mean when i refer to the passing of the TORCH - that part of what it means to remember mark and to honor his memory is to be more like him in how he made others feel important and good about themselves, in how he looked out for other people's best interests, he always believed anyone else's success would never be at his own expense, etc. especially since mark didn't stop doing that even when he had problems of his own. indeed, he was usually willing to share whatever (little) he had with someone down on their luck.
for me, one tangible way to make progress is to choose to find *something* about someone else that you like - and to tell them. and to do that at least x number of times a day. and that's what i'm going to try to do. the thing is, i suppose one really can't be genuine about making others feel good about themselves until one genuinely feels that way about themselves. so i suppose part of the process is recognizing and acknowledging the good in one's self. (for you non-asians out there - you have no idea what kind of hurdle that is).
anyway. thanks mark, i'm going to miss you, but i'm not going to forget you and the best way i can think of to honor your memory is to try and be a bit more like you in how you made people to feel comfortable about being themselves. and i suppose it starts with learning to be more comfortable about myself.
mark was known to many in the music and swing dance worlds. he had his own band as well as developed a following for booking bands for a bar/dance venue in burbank called joe's great american bar & grill. when mark started booking blues acts for sunday nights, i approached him about DJ-ing blues before. in between and after the live sets. he gave me a shot, and more significantly, he gave me the room to play more music by contemporary musicians and even cross over into jazz/blues even though he would have preferred more choices by some of the established old guard in the blues genre. ultimately, mark respected my musicianship and let me find my own voice and DJ for the music lovers in the house and not the dancers - and each week i DJ i typically get responses from members of that week's band complimenting my selections and in some cases, wanting to know who that was performing a particular selection. and i've expanded from blues to building a soul playlist, as well as a late night jazz playlist that has grown a few fans who now come in late just to hear that. it's something i love doing and i wouldn't be doing it if mark hadn't given me the chance to do so.
the bottom line was that mark was one of the few people who made me feel like he got me, liked what he saw, and as a consequence, he got to see aspects of me i generally take pains not to reveal when i'm in a group of people. he'd told me more than a few times that he wished that everyone else knew me the way he did. so i grieve the loss of someone who knew who to make me feel like he clearly knew me and understood me better than most.
(what you don't get to see is that i as reflect back on this, i now see more clearly that he did in fact understand me pretty well in how he interacted with me differently than with others based on what i've gotten to hear from others who knew mark, and the tears are *really* starting to come)
the thing is, mark was pretty much that way with everyone (unless he felt you'd betrayed him in some way - that was pretty much the only unforgivable sin for mark) which is why it was standing room only at his memorial held this past weekend. and people who knew him and missed him got together to share their grief. during one such gathering of which i happened to be a part last week, someone said something to the effect that one way of ensuring that mark remained a part of us was to be a bit more like mark in how we treated one another and built community.
and this is what i choose it to mean when i refer to the passing of the TORCH - that part of what it means to remember mark and to honor his memory is to be more like him in how he made others feel important and good about themselves, in how he looked out for other people's best interests, he always believed anyone else's success would never be at his own expense, etc. especially since mark didn't stop doing that even when he had problems of his own. indeed, he was usually willing to share whatever (little) he had with someone down on their luck.
for me, one tangible way to make progress is to choose to find *something* about someone else that you like - and to tell them. and to do that at least x number of times a day. and that's what i'm going to try to do. the thing is, i suppose one really can't be genuine about making others feel good about themselves until one genuinely feels that way about themselves. so i suppose part of the process is recognizing and acknowledging the good in one's self. (for you non-asians out there - you have no idea what kind of hurdle that is).
anyway. thanks mark, i'm going to miss you, but i'm not going to forget you and the best way i can think of to honor your memory is to try and be a bit more like you in how you made people to feel comfortable about being themselves. and i suppose it starts with learning to be more comfortable about myself.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Strength & Weakness.
The group that shows up for our weekly gathering is a pretty decent sort. Some regulars show their appreciation and respect by waiting at the sidewalk for me to pull up, and they unload my car for me and carry everything to the picnic tables. Some of them make a point of complimenting the meal and thanking me by name. And since my return from the attack I have encountered only a fraction of the level of snark and complaints we got about the food or anything else; even the new folks seem to know my story already, and are very polite. Some of them definitely have their issues, but some are genuinely just in a difficult season, and have managed to find work and have moved on. Some of those people stop by occasionally just to let us know that they've gotten back on their feet, One such person who got a job as a trucker texted me to let me know he was in town and wanted to stop by this week It's a blessing to know that your efforts are appreciated and have borne fruit, even more so to know that you've built up trust and respect. But that help comes out of giving (hopefully from some sort of abundance), from some sort of supply of strength, out of a conscious effort to do something positive. I was reminded that we are often most able to be useful when we are at our weakest and vulnerable.
I do not have it all together. No one does. The issue is the level of denial about it. But I also recognize and acknowledge and most of all respect the kind of strength and courage it takes to acknowledge one's baggage and come to grips with it. No one does it willingly; it's usually a Scylla/Charibis kind of moment you choose between the pain of staying where you are, and the pain of grappling with an issue. I have, among other things, issues with my mom, with which I'm currently dealing. I don't mind talking about them, but I know that I can't do this safely or comfortably with everyone. I may go in depth in some future post but this is coming out because it's part of the story here.
As i mentioned before, a former regular got it together, found regular work as a trucker, has since gotten engaged to his high school sweetheart (who has made some mistakes of her own since high school) back east, While he mainly drives on the east coast, he schedules a west coast run at least once a year just so he can stop by and visit. I ended up chatting with him for a good two hours after everyone else left this past Tuesday night. The conversation eventually turned to me and how things were going. I told him that while I really needed the money, I was taking a break from my new career in sales because I had come to realize that there was something in my past that was holding me back, and I related a very personal story from my childhood and how that incident had affected my behavior ever since, and that I was trying to deal with this and adapt my behavior and thinking. I was totally unprepared for his response in how vulnerable and open he was about his past. You need to understand that he's typically a very quiet type and when he does respond in conversation, tends to do so in snark mode.
He talked about siblings he doesn't even know, because of circumstances that led to him being in foster care starting at the age of 3 months until he was 18, and how being a trucker is more of less a continuation of the experience of always moving from foster home to foster home as a child. But most significantly, he talked about how he knew he needed counseling and how he wanted to put down roots somewhere eventually, and how he was determined to break the chain of abuse in his family history in how he was going to raise his future stepdaughters.
And the thing is, he never would have shared that with me and given me a chance to support him in his struggles before I was willing to acknowledge my struggles and be open about my point in the process.
I do not have it all together. No one does. The issue is the level of denial about it. But I also recognize and acknowledge and most of all respect the kind of strength and courage it takes to acknowledge one's baggage and come to grips with it. No one does it willingly; it's usually a Scylla/Charibis kind of moment you choose between the pain of staying where you are, and the pain of grappling with an issue. I have, among other things, issues with my mom, with which I'm currently dealing. I don't mind talking about them, but I know that I can't do this safely or comfortably with everyone. I may go in depth in some future post but this is coming out because it's part of the story here.
As i mentioned before, a former regular got it together, found regular work as a trucker, has since gotten engaged to his high school sweetheart (who has made some mistakes of her own since high school) back east, While he mainly drives on the east coast, he schedules a west coast run at least once a year just so he can stop by and visit. I ended up chatting with him for a good two hours after everyone else left this past Tuesday night. The conversation eventually turned to me and how things were going. I told him that while I really needed the money, I was taking a break from my new career in sales because I had come to realize that there was something in my past that was holding me back, and I related a very personal story from my childhood and how that incident had affected my behavior ever since, and that I was trying to deal with this and adapt my behavior and thinking. I was totally unprepared for his response in how vulnerable and open he was about his past. You need to understand that he's typically a very quiet type and when he does respond in conversation, tends to do so in snark mode.
He talked about siblings he doesn't even know, because of circumstances that led to him being in foster care starting at the age of 3 months until he was 18, and how being a trucker is more of less a continuation of the experience of always moving from foster home to foster home as a child. But most significantly, he talked about how he knew he needed counseling and how he wanted to put down roots somewhere eventually, and how he was determined to break the chain of abuse in his family history in how he was going to raise his future stepdaughters.
And the thing is, he never would have shared that with me and given me a chance to support him in his struggles before I was willing to acknowledge my struggles and be open about my point in the process.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
JAY.
doing a post earlier today prompted me to go back and review my blog posts.
it turns out that this week marks the anniversary of the death of someone who was also a tuesday night regular, jay, that is, peter jay mcclosky. jay was a pilot, but had a problem with alcohol so when i first met him, he was on the street and when he showed up for dinner, it was usually in the company of a small korean woman named uno who has a similar problem with alcohol. jay and ono were pretty devoted to one another. apparently uno was unaware that jay had died, so when jay failed to show up for dinner the next week, uno complained the whole time about how jay had betrayed her by abandoning her.
uno has taken jay's loss extremely hard. in the past year, uno has stopped by for dinner maybe 3 times. she's been extremely intoxicated every time. otherwise she's usually sitting near the rest rooms at the south end of the park in a continual state of inebriation. once in a while someone will come up and ask us to make a plate to take to her. i regret not taking the time to see how she is every week, but our group is now down to two volunteers, so i don't have the time to run down to see if uno is there.
leon's story gives me hope, while uno's story takes me the same distance, but in another direction entirely.
=====================
we've had (to me anyway) unseasonably hot weather. it hit as high as 108 this past tuesday.
so i made gazpacho and also brought popsicles for them to eat while we set up the table.
as part of an experiment, for the past 10 days or so, i chose not to run the A/C and instead, made a habit of cleaning myself with a face towel every 60-90 minutes. even so, i was still pretty rank by the end of each day.
to me, this is part of what makes being homeless so difficult to escape. no matter how fastidious you try to be, you can't escape the consequences of not being able to wash regularly.
20 years ago, i joined a group of people who regularly traveled down to tijuana, we brought used clothes for the children, but more importantly, we brought tanks of water and provided baths. as much as food, there's a real need for something like that for the homeless here, especially in the summer.
doing a post earlier today prompted me to go back and review my blog posts.
it turns out that this week marks the anniversary of the death of someone who was also a tuesday night regular, jay, that is, peter jay mcclosky. jay was a pilot, but had a problem with alcohol so when i first met him, he was on the street and when he showed up for dinner, it was usually in the company of a small korean woman named uno who has a similar problem with alcohol. jay and ono were pretty devoted to one another. apparently uno was unaware that jay had died, so when jay failed to show up for dinner the next week, uno complained the whole time about how jay had betrayed her by abandoning her.
uno has taken jay's loss extremely hard. in the past year, uno has stopped by for dinner maybe 3 times. she's been extremely intoxicated every time. otherwise she's usually sitting near the rest rooms at the south end of the park in a continual state of inebriation. once in a while someone will come up and ask us to make a plate to take to her. i regret not taking the time to see how she is every week, but our group is now down to two volunteers, so i don't have the time to run down to see if uno is there.
leon's story gives me hope, while uno's story takes me the same distance, but in another direction entirely.
=====================
we've had (to me anyway) unseasonably hot weather. it hit as high as 108 this past tuesday.
so i made gazpacho and also brought popsicles for them to eat while we set up the table.
as part of an experiment, for the past 10 days or so, i chose not to run the A/C and instead, made a habit of cleaning myself with a face towel every 60-90 minutes. even so, i was still pretty rank by the end of each day.
to me, this is part of what makes being homeless so difficult to escape. no matter how fastidious you try to be, you can't escape the consequences of not being able to wash regularly.
20 years ago, i joined a group of people who regularly traveled down to tijuana, we brought used clothes for the children, but more importantly, we brought tanks of water and provided baths. as much as food, there's a real need for something like that for the homeless here, especially in the summer.
LEON
is the name of a tuesday night regular. he's typically barefoot and shirtless, struggles with bipolar disorder, and hasn't had a job since the 90's. he's not always there when we start to serve dinner, but when he does show, he's typically one of the last to leave. he drinks to help himself get through the day, and sometimes it's apparent when he shows up for dinner and he can come off as somewhat scatter-brained then. even so, in general, he come across as surprisingly cheerful, and whenever i spend time talking with him, he invariably says something that i end up thinking about during my drive home from the park. i've really come to enjoy interacting with him. he's said that the police know him and his situation, and apparently when leon can tell that he's losing it, he'll ask the police to take him in and keep him overnight. he's mentioned riding the merry-go-round in santa monica as one of the things he does regularly to cheer himself up, because we all need to do things like that occasionally to get by. he talks matter of factly about his life in general that i have found myself marveling that someone who has basically been crapped on all his life can be so seemingly cheerful.
this week i got a chance to have a long extended conversation with him after everyone else left, and i spent over 2 hours talking with him until well after 10 pm (we typically stop serving by 7:30 and hang out - sometimes we get to the planned scripture reading, sometimes, someone will have a question and we'll just talk until 8 or 8:30.)
now i marvel at him all the more; after talking about this and that for a while, i told him that i found it amazing that he seemed to be so cheerful. i wasn't expecting his response: that as soon as he left for the evening, he would immediately begin to struggle with depression, and how he would pray to god for hours. he talked about being angry with god for his situation, for god making him black, for everyone treating him like dirt. he talked about thinking about killing himself. then he said something that just made my day: he wouldn't kill himself because he believes that he was created for a reason, even though he didn't know what it was yet.
i'm pulling for him to figure out what that reason is, and i so want to be around when he does.
is the name of a tuesday night regular. he's typically barefoot and shirtless, struggles with bipolar disorder, and hasn't had a job since the 90's. he's not always there when we start to serve dinner, but when he does show, he's typically one of the last to leave. he drinks to help himself get through the day, and sometimes it's apparent when he shows up for dinner and he can come off as somewhat scatter-brained then. even so, in general, he come across as surprisingly cheerful, and whenever i spend time talking with him, he invariably says something that i end up thinking about during my drive home from the park. i've really come to enjoy interacting with him. he's said that the police know him and his situation, and apparently when leon can tell that he's losing it, he'll ask the police to take him in and keep him overnight. he's mentioned riding the merry-go-round in santa monica as one of the things he does regularly to cheer himself up, because we all need to do things like that occasionally to get by. he talks matter of factly about his life in general that i have found myself marveling that someone who has basically been crapped on all his life can be so seemingly cheerful.
this week i got a chance to have a long extended conversation with him after everyone else left, and i spent over 2 hours talking with him until well after 10 pm (we typically stop serving by 7:30 and hang out - sometimes we get to the planned scripture reading, sometimes, someone will have a question and we'll just talk until 8 or 8:30.)
now i marvel at him all the more; after talking about this and that for a while, i told him that i found it amazing that he seemed to be so cheerful. i wasn't expecting his response: that as soon as he left for the evening, he would immediately begin to struggle with depression, and how he would pray to god for hours. he talked about being angry with god for his situation, for god making him black, for everyone treating him like dirt. he talked about thinking about killing himself. then he said something that just made my day: he wouldn't kill himself because he believes that he was created for a reason, even though he didn't know what it was yet.
i'm pulling for him to figure out what that reason is, and i so want to be around when he does.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Gone but not forgotten
last week when we were wrapping up, a couple approached us and the guy said the name of my attacker. it actually took me a couple of seconds to recognize the name. it turns out the guy was one of the two men that had been attacked with a knife two months before my attack. it was a surreal moment.
=================
i think i mentioned that after i came back, the first couple of months a couple of people stayed close by me at the park, and even when i engaged them in conversation, i noticed that one person in particular wasn't looking at me, but was constantly scanning the area behind me. this person 'rob' eventually got a full time job trucking across the US and has been back once. i just got a text from 'rob' asking about me and my job situation. we exchanged a few texts; he's currently in kentucky and needs to be in boca raton by tomorrow morning. i have to admit that i was gratified to hear from him on a number of levels. besides making what he considers to be good money, turns out he's now also engaged. so we;ve been able to help at least one person get back on their feet. and apparently we made enough of an impact that he's been prompted to stay in touch. i don't seek rewards or recognition for doing this, but it *is* nice to get reassurance that you're making a difference for at least one person.
=================
i think i mentioned that after i came back, the first couple of months a couple of people stayed close by me at the park, and even when i engaged them in conversation, i noticed that one person in particular wasn't looking at me, but was constantly scanning the area behind me. this person 'rob' eventually got a full time job trucking across the US and has been back once. i just got a text from 'rob' asking about me and my job situation. we exchanged a few texts; he's currently in kentucky and needs to be in boca raton by tomorrow morning. i have to admit that i was gratified to hear from him on a number of levels. besides making what he considers to be good money, turns out he's now also engaged. so we;ve been able to help at least one person get back on their feet. and apparently we made enough of an impact that he's been prompted to stay in touch. i don't seek rewards or recognition for doing this, but it *is* nice to get reassurance that you're making a difference for at least one person.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Happy New Year!
Let's see... OK, back in December I finally got a revised billing from the hospital where they applied my insurance from the church. To my dismay, I discovered that I now owe the hospital over $60,000 instead of the $10634 to the hospital and another $2800 to the surgical practice. Apparently the hospital applied the insurance rate on my initial bill and some program applied a massive discount due to my being the victim of an attack. That discount no longer applied when I tried to use insurance, and there was a $50k cap applied on my $110000 bill. So I have to send a signed letter to the hospital to have them unapply cash payments made by insurance such that the other discount then applies. I have since applied for assistance from some agency that offers assistance to trauma victims and am now waiting for a response from that. Hopefully the financial concerns from this can be finally dealt with.
As to my previous post, I decided to force things a little and made a few comments about things being different a couple of weeks ago. Did not detect any particular enthusiasm to broach the topic by any of the folks who were in the group, but I was pleasantly surprised when one of the newer members asked me about after the serving time last week. It was nice being able to talk about it.
I don't think it's me, but I need to be open-minded about this. Chesterton suggests that it's easier to defend something when you have a specific point to refer to while other things are otherwise indefensible because pretty much everything in creation shouts in its defense. Am I really on a different level in how I see things, or is it more that I've finally caught up to everyone else? Have I been blind in a sighted world and now excited about something everyone else takes vision for granted? I doubt it, but the question needs to be asked.
Let's see... OK, back in December I finally got a revised billing from the hospital where they applied my insurance from the church. To my dismay, I discovered that I now owe the hospital over $60,000 instead of the $10634 to the hospital and another $2800 to the surgical practice. Apparently the hospital applied the insurance rate on my initial bill and some program applied a massive discount due to my being the victim of an attack. That discount no longer applied when I tried to use insurance, and there was a $50k cap applied on my $110000 bill. So I have to send a signed letter to the hospital to have them unapply cash payments made by insurance such that the other discount then applies. I have since applied for assistance from some agency that offers assistance to trauma victims and am now waiting for a response from that. Hopefully the financial concerns from this can be finally dealt with.
As to my previous post, I decided to force things a little and made a few comments about things being different a couple of weeks ago. Did not detect any particular enthusiasm to broach the topic by any of the folks who were in the group, but I was pleasantly surprised when one of the newer members asked me about after the serving time last week. It was nice being able to talk about it.
I don't think it's me, but I need to be open-minded about this. Chesterton suggests that it's easier to defend something when you have a specific point to refer to while other things are otherwise indefensible because pretty much everything in creation shouts in its defense. Am I really on a different level in how I see things, or is it more that I've finally caught up to everyone else? Have I been blind in a sighted world and now excited about something everyone else takes vision for granted? I doubt it, but the question needs to be asked.
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