It's been a while. I used to play a popular PC game called Civilization II. It's the game I played all day when I ruptured my achilles tendon some 12 years ago and I was confined to a bad with full length cast on my left leg. It was written to work with Windows XP and so when I migrated to windows XP I bid CIV II farewell.

I recently discovered that Atari recompiled a version and made it XP compatible, so I got a copy through eBay and have been playing the game non-stop. I would almost describe it as a retrenching done in spite of my recent decision to make an effort to put myself out there in more new situations. It concerned me a bit that I can't point to any sort of recent event that would precipitate this, but it's been suggested that this is my way of coming to grips with what's happened; by immersing myself into something where I have a sense of control. I'm not that's the case but it makes a great reason to keep playing.

The only things I've kept doing consistently is the homeless feedings on Tuesday, DJing blues at Joes on Sundays, and Friday lunches visiting various chinese or ethnic asian restaurants in the San Gabriel valley. We've been attempting to try out this new ramen place for the last two weeks, but they've been running out of broth and keeping spotty hours (technically, they haven't had their grand opening yet, they're still working out kinks, etc. I scheduled another attempt this past week, and while waiting for the others to show up, I browsed a chinese video store a few storefronts down.

There wasn't anything I found even remotely interesting in the place, but it prompted me to reexamine the origins of Secret Asian Men when I made a point of seeking out asian themed films half a lifetime ago in an effort to connect with my asian heritage. It probably started with filmaker Wayne Wang's "Dim Sum: A Little Bit of Heart" (although Wayne Wang actually started with "Chan is Missing") & "Eat A Bowl of Tea" and when I moved to LA, I and other asian males my age were discovering movies like "Living on Tokyo Time", and also discovering movies made by asian filmmakers like Ang Lee, John Woo, Kar Wai Wong. etc.

We cheered when Universal broadcast the series "Vanishing Son" because Russell Wong was scoring with white women instead of the usual interracial relationships between some asian babe and a white guy. We booed when America embraced "Joy Luck Club" which depicted asian males as largely dysfunctional. Even now, your typical asian male is depicted in only three basic categories:

1) ethnic older grocer/laundry owner type who can't speak english
2) resident martial artist
3) geeky or effeminate lab tech

Even after living in LA for almost 25 years, i still carry the awareness of how provincial middle america can be in its outlook & I still have expect to encounter it out here.. It's different being in a much more cosmopolitan setting out here, but it's definitely still assimilation than integration. More of this later.