Pushing myself.
This has come in spurts, as I've tried to stretch by going places and doing things that have been outside my normal routine. It's been good, although I think I finally outdid myself. I went to see Barbara Morrison at the Levitt pavilion before heading off to Joe's and I danced more than I have since before the attack. My body responded by forcing me to sleep all but a couple of hours earlier today, about 10 hours out of the last 24.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Part II What are we supposed to believe?
Obviously, in some sort of power greater than and outside of ourselves. But even there, our belief is affected by the size of our universe of facts. Chesterton explores this in ch. 3 "the suicide of thought', illustrated by the misguided use of the phrase "having his heart in the right place", which is typically used to describe someone who we believe has good intentions even though the results of their actions turns out poorly. We choose to categorize their motives as good, but in reality, they aren't. The irony is that damage is done not due to vice, but to the pursuit of a virtue. It is the isolation of this virtue from other virtues that result in perversion of truth and in evil. two of the most obvious virtues are love and truthfulness; the result is that truth seekers are generally pitiless, while humanitarians are driven primarily by pity, but their pity is often untruthful. but chesterton suggests that it is another virtue perverted which had led to even greater evil: humility. Chesterton asserts that it is the perversion of humility that prompt man to assert himself, that is to say, seek his own pleasures, while doubting truth.
that prompted me to research the concept of hedonism, which led me to john piper and his doctrine of christian hedonism, a controversial terminology to be sure, but one that makes much more sense now in the light of chesterton's assertions: instead of the "chief end of man" being "to glorify god and enjoy him forever", piper asserts that it would more correct to say "to glorify god by enjoying him forever", drawing on jonathan edwards, among others, but that's not to say that our happiness is the greatest good, but that god is most glorifed in our indvidual lives when we are satisfied in him.
And I think I've found my first real destination in my journey. let's see if i can articulate it:
for the last ten years or so, in my pursuit of "happiness" i've been somewhat hedonist, coming up on the plus side of pleasure vs. pain, not necessarily by seeking pleasure, but by minimizing my pain. but that's been self-defeating because playing it safe has also minimzed my potential to experience great pleasure, because pleasure comes in large part from being surprised.and surprise comes from learning something new - that happens to be true. and how can we be more delighted than by learning something new about god - or being reminded of something we've forgotten? but pursuing truth comes both with potential risk as well as actual pain if truth is somehow contradicted by painful memories, memories we'd rather suppress than re-experience the pain we felt when we were younger - and for the most part, a lot weaker.
Obviously, in some sort of power greater than and outside of ourselves. But even there, our belief is affected by the size of our universe of facts. Chesterton explores this in ch. 3 "the suicide of thought', illustrated by the misguided use of the phrase "having his heart in the right place", which is typically used to describe someone who we believe has good intentions even though the results of their actions turns out poorly. We choose to categorize their motives as good, but in reality, they aren't. The irony is that damage is done not due to vice, but to the pursuit of a virtue. It is the isolation of this virtue from other virtues that result in perversion of truth and in evil. two of the most obvious virtues are love and truthfulness; the result is that truth seekers are generally pitiless, while humanitarians are driven primarily by pity, but their pity is often untruthful. but chesterton suggests that it is another virtue perverted which had led to even greater evil: humility. Chesterton asserts that it is the perversion of humility that prompt man to assert himself, that is to say, seek his own pleasures, while doubting truth.
that prompted me to research the concept of hedonism, which led me to john piper and his doctrine of christian hedonism, a controversial terminology to be sure, but one that makes much more sense now in the light of chesterton's assertions: instead of the "chief end of man" being "to glorify god and enjoy him forever", piper asserts that it would more correct to say "to glorify god by enjoying him forever", drawing on jonathan edwards, among others, but that's not to say that our happiness is the greatest good, but that god is most glorifed in our indvidual lives when we are satisfied in him.
And I think I've found my first real destination in my journey. let's see if i can articulate it:
for the last ten years or so, in my pursuit of "happiness" i've been somewhat hedonist, coming up on the plus side of pleasure vs. pain, not necessarily by seeking pleasure, but by minimizing my pain. but that's been self-defeating because playing it safe has also minimzed my potential to experience great pleasure, because pleasure comes in large part from being surprised.and surprise comes from learning something new - that happens to be true. and how can we be more delighted than by learning something new about god - or being reminded of something we've forgotten? but pursuing truth comes both with potential risk as well as actual pain if truth is somehow contradicted by painful memories, memories we'd rather suppress than re-experience the pain we felt when we were younger - and for the most part, a lot weaker.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Haven't posted for a while. My scar *still* itches a lot.
I've physically survived a trauma that some people have not; my friend Tom the former coroner has looked at my scar and told me that I was lucky to be alive. The reality of that still seems really abstract. A few have suggested that I should go out and buy lottery tickets; the implication is that I am blessed with good luck. Yet I don't feel that way - at all. My actions and behavior have always been influenced by a sense that the odds are somehow stacked against me, a sense that's been with me since childhood. I've pondered the possibility that this set of circumstances might prompt me to revise my perspective; even if the worst possible thing does happen, it's not going to kill you, which should in turn raise my level of confidence.
I've been re-reading Chesterton's Orthodoxy. When I got to chapter 2 "the maniac" my first thought was that this might help me gain perspective on my attacker; when I share the details of my attack, the common response is that my attacker is at some level non compos mentis. And I believe that I have. Chesterton is right when he claims that maniacs have not lost their reason, they have lost everything BUT their reason. The issue is that while their minds are frantically analyzing and re-analyzing, they are drawing from an insufficient universe of facts. The circle of facts may be perfect, but it is of exceeding small diameter. And one's conclusions can only be as complete and accurate as the facts used to reach these conclusions.
But the answer is not about facts or truth. The actuality is that everyone has an emotionally vested interest in maintaining the size of their universe and as a consequence, our intellectual arguments are tainted by our emotions. Scripture describes this as having our hearts hardened. On a Tuesday night about a month ago, one of the members of the group that helps to serve food, reacted to a sudden movement nearby. When I commented on it later, the person commented that yes, he was more watchful but it wasn't out of fear. I saw the look on his face at the moment he flinched. It was not the look of someone who was somehow casually more vigilant. But I saw little value in pressing the point, even though the person also left the group around that time. However, it does prompt me to ponder whether my el Cid behavior in some way shamed people into coming along for the ride, or that my business as usual approach discouraged other people from doing what they needed to do to deal with this and be able to move on. I honestly don't know.
But there's another train of thought prompted by this chapter, going back to the first paragraph in the chapter, which discusses the fallibility in the concept that success, should be expected of people who truly believe in themselves. It's especially applicable here in LA where it seems half the waiters/waitresses are people who truly believe in themselves in being future actors/actresses, aspiring screenwriters, filmmakers who just aren't going to make it. The question becomes, if not in himself, in what is he to believe?
I've physically survived a trauma that some people have not; my friend Tom the former coroner has looked at my scar and told me that I was lucky to be alive. The reality of that still seems really abstract. A few have suggested that I should go out and buy lottery tickets; the implication is that I am blessed with good luck. Yet I don't feel that way - at all. My actions and behavior have always been influenced by a sense that the odds are somehow stacked against me, a sense that's been with me since childhood. I've pondered the possibility that this set of circumstances might prompt me to revise my perspective; even if the worst possible thing does happen, it's not going to kill you, which should in turn raise my level of confidence.
I've been re-reading Chesterton's Orthodoxy. When I got to chapter 2 "the maniac" my first thought was that this might help me gain perspective on my attacker; when I share the details of my attack, the common response is that my attacker is at some level non compos mentis. And I believe that I have. Chesterton is right when he claims that maniacs have not lost their reason, they have lost everything BUT their reason. The issue is that while their minds are frantically analyzing and re-analyzing, they are drawing from an insufficient universe of facts. The circle of facts may be perfect, but it is of exceeding small diameter. And one's conclusions can only be as complete and accurate as the facts used to reach these conclusions.
But the answer is not about facts or truth. The actuality is that everyone has an emotionally vested interest in maintaining the size of their universe and as a consequence, our intellectual arguments are tainted by our emotions. Scripture describes this as having our hearts hardened. On a Tuesday night about a month ago, one of the members of the group that helps to serve food, reacted to a sudden movement nearby. When I commented on it later, the person commented that yes, he was more watchful but it wasn't out of fear. I saw the look on his face at the moment he flinched. It was not the look of someone who was somehow casually more vigilant. But I saw little value in pressing the point, even though the person also left the group around that time. However, it does prompt me to ponder whether my el Cid behavior in some way shamed people into coming along for the ride, or that my business as usual approach discouraged other people from doing what they needed to do to deal with this and be able to move on. I honestly don't know.
But there's another train of thought prompted by this chapter, going back to the first paragraph in the chapter, which discusses the fallibility in the concept that success, should be expected of people who truly believe in themselves. It's especially applicable here in LA where it seems half the waiters/waitresses are people who truly believe in themselves in being future actors/actresses, aspiring screenwriters, filmmakers who just aren't going to make it. The question becomes, if not in himself, in what is he to believe?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)