The third anniversary of my attack was this past Friday and i chose to observe it by having a get together i called March Forth.
One person questioned whether it was a typo. It wasn't.
Recently, I came to grips with the fact that I've been depressed a great deal of my life. It played a large part in my 15 year sabbatical, not to mention my problems in working in sales. I've been encouraged by my mentor to consider anti-depressants. While I don't doubt that they can be effective in treating the symptoms of depression, my view of depression is that it's anger that's been turned inward/suppressed. Treating the symptoms may be helpful in the short run, but there's a danger in believing that that's enough just to be able to remain functional and to then get locked into a dependence on the meds. So I've resisted the idea.
The point is that I've come to see that I've been angry about having suppressed my creative side, particularly in music. I've had an outlet in my DJ-ing, but I've also recently been given opportunities to perform and to teach and it's made a huge difference. I now see that my depression was linked to my sense of passivity, that there was no reason to bother trying because things were already stacked against me. Simply put, I've lacked faith, and what I need to do is to put myself out there and march forth. So my celebration last Friday was as much about that as surviving.
